My son was helping bring in the boxes from our trunk-or-treat and the handle broke on the box he was carrying and it fell to the ground hard. Two of my cups from the snack sets I had broke. He told me what had happened and I was upset. He immediately wanted to be defensive. I explained to him, "I am not upset with you. I am not angry with you. I'm sad and disappointed that my two cups were broken. I can be upset with a situation without placing blame or anger on you." He seemed to understand but still seemed a bit off.
Another situation occurred. I took our Basset Hound, Mr. Shelby Cornbread, to get a bath and nail trim up at the place on Kadena. I had a drop-off time of 2pm. I left him there and went to Burger King for a snack of chicken nuggets and a drink. I sat there for a while just pursuing Facebook until the Middle School kids came in and I decided to let them be without an adult lurking nearby. I went back Karing Kennels and parked and started watching some Netflix (I am a Stalker). When it got to be near 4PM and 2 hours after I had dropped him off, I went back in to check. I also needed to pay deposits for some Kennel Reservations we have coming up in the next couple of months. I paid and told them I was in the parking lot waiting. Around 4:30 they came out and I could tell by the look on her face that she didn't have good news. She hesitantly told me, "I'm so sorry. One of our groomers had to leave early and the one left just isn't going to be able to get to Mr. Shelby today. I'm really sorry." I followed her back into the building. I said, "It's okay. I'm disappointed but I'm not angry with y'all. These things happen." The two ladies apologized to me multiple times and each time I told them I understood. They were so relieved when I was nice about it. I told them the same thing I told my son. "I can be upset about this happening but not be angry with y'all."
I think we are often so reactive to others' emotions that we set them and ourselves up for a fight. I could have been angry with my son for breaking my cups but it was an accident. He didn't intend for the handles on the overloaded box to break. He was helping me out by bringing the box in.
I could have been angry with the groomers and the clerks but they didn't expect the one groomer to have an emergency and need to leave early.
I hope to continue to learn how to be upset without being angry. I'm allowed to have emotions about things and situations without being angry or mad with the people involved. It's not an easy thing and I'm just now "getting it". I hope I can show empathy to others and let them know it's okay to be upset.
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